By Emily Joy Allison
I absolutely loved this book
Emily really goes for the jugular of purity culture, proving its ties to sexual abuse and rape culture in this book! She is very clear about the pillars that make up purity culture:
*A culture of shame
*Abstinence only education & theology
*Modesty messaging / theology
*Equalizing all sexual activity that is outside the prescribed heterosexual marriage as sin (i.e. calling premarital consensual sex a sin and equal to premarital non-consensual sex. This distinction between consensual and non-consensual sex needs to be taught and learned)
*Lack of sex education
*Teaching that our bodies are not our own, they belong to our future spouse does not teach us physical boundaries and makes sexual abuse look at times like a lack of resistance to sexual temptation on the part of the abuser
*Teaching that marriage is about holiness not happiness promotes domestic violence including marital rape and does not acknowledge that married people can also suffer sexual (and other forms) of abuse
*Complementarianism / traditional gender roles (misogyny / sexism) that teach women to submit to abusive men as the leader (head)
*A theology of forgiveness that places the forgiveness and mental health of the abuser above the healing, safety and mental health of the abused!
*Rejection of LGBTIQA people – lack of affirmation, acknowledgment, acceptance etc.
I myself do not identify as queer, but I have 4 queer uncles and I’ve watched/heard some of their journeys within Christian communities. I fully agree with Emily that shaming queer people only further perpetuates abuse, because, once again, issues of consent are overlooked in favor of blaming everything on being queer (i.e. you were raped because you went to a gay bar, or, you were assaulted because you’re so effeminate. Victim blaming and shaming like this is a disgusting disgrace.)
Additionally, telling queer folk that what they are is sinful breeds self-hatred and shame, because this is not just labeling a behavior as sinful, but calling the personhood of the queer person intrinsically sinful. This seems no different than telling me that being left-handed is sinful and that I should force myself to be right-handed and deny and avoid my left-handedness at all costs. When I claim that I was born this way, you say “no. You chose to be left-handed” and I try to tell you this is counter-intuitive because I have never felt nor been right-handed. You are asking me to deny my experience, my feelings, my identity, my intuition, my rationale etc. etc., because you see my left-handedness as immoral, even though I have no real control over it.
I had a huge personal revelation when I read how a theology of forgiveness can prioritize and enable abusers above the healing and wholeness of sexual assault survivors. I have fallen into this trap and promoted grace for abusers above kindness toward victims. But now I see that not all sins are equal. Sins of sexual assault have an incredible impact on the psychological health of its victims. Sexually abusive perpetrators need to learn the extent of the damage they have done. They need to learn repentance – they need a change of heart and mind.
In fact, every chapter of this book resonated with me. It brought out the feminist, queer-affirming, anti-racist in me and made me quite angry at the traps I’ve fallen into in the evangelical church and surrounding culture of purity and shame!
I hope churches will read and embrace this book. I hope they will throw away purity culture, homophobia, sexism and gender roles, damaging theology that promotes shame and abuse, and that the church will learn to embody love and grace, teach healthy sex-ed including boundaries and consent, and will embrace victims of sexual assault.
What a bravely written book, Emily! Thank you!!