Book by Tanya Levin
This is a powerful memoir of one woman’s experience with both Hillsong and Christianity (or Evangelicalism, or faith). If you are entrenched in Pentecostalism—if you love and agree with it—then you probably won’t want to read this book. But if you are deconstructing your faith, questioning why we do church the way we do church, or why Evangelicalism is as it is, or seeking to understand more about the Christian religion, then this book may shed some light. Or it may even shatter your faith. It has certainly rattled mine.
I attended a mostly-Pentecostal Christian school as a child and have spent many adult years in Pentecostal churches. I wanted to believe the “prosperity gospel.” I saw it working for people like Brain Houston and Darlene Zschech, and, well, I wanted to be Darlene Zschech—for a while. This book is about how Hillsong may have started out quite well-meaning and positive, and for many people, Hillsong church is still a positive environment, but it exposes how “cult-ish” Hillsong and Pentecostal might actually be. There is a whole chapter delving into the tactics of cults, and the similar habits of Hillsong church. It is disconcerting, to say the least.
I enjoyed Tanya’s personal story and her struggles with God and faith in general, since I have had many of my own. I also, very much appreciated her research into Pentecostal history. She doesn’t only talk about Hillsong. Other Australian leaders are mentioned. All AOG Australian leaders seem to be male and this now seems very sexist. She talks about famous influential leaders in the USA and their influence on Hillsong and Australia. She talks about politics. She talks about sexual abuse and moral failings. And she especially talks about money.
Pentecostalism today—especially Hillsong—seems to be money driven. Everyone should tithe and also give above their tithe, because we are “blessed to be blessing.” At the height of my Pentecostal journey, I wrote a song with exactly this title: “Blessed to be a blessing.” I wanted it for myself. I wanted to believe in it. I wanted to encourage my own church to give, in order to also receive. I couldn’t even see how I was giving beyond my means. I was putting myself into debt. A single woman in her twenties, with no husband, who couldn’t even afford to pay rent in NSW (prices were and are astronomical by the way) and so, chose to live in her parents’ rumpus room, for years… I was suckered in by this message. I’m not saying it doesn’t work for some people. Clearly it does. It is quite possible that Brian and Bobbie Houston fully believe this message, because it worked for them. However, it doesn’t work for everyone. There are poor people who shouldn’t be tithing and offering, they should only be receiving at this point in their lives. The church should be looking after them, not exploiting what little they have.
I related to Tanya’s journey in many ways. I’m Australian. I’ve been to Hillsong conference. I’ve been singing Hillsong songs for 30 years. But I don’t know what to do with this information. It is not a very hopeful message—don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying the book should end with hope. We are in an unusual time period where a lot of people are deconstructing and questioning everything. This book is pertinent. The question: “Where do we go from here” will take years; lifetimes; perhaps even millennia to answer (and happens to be the name of my favourite podcast).
It is also important to remember that this is one woman’s perspective. I respect her story and her journey. And I’m sure that people who love Hillsong—hook line and sinker—could write books about how the systems and teachings have benefitted their lives and made them happier, perhaps even healthier people. That is simply not the result for Tanya, or myself.