By Jessica Valenti
This book is brutal.
Jessica Valenti grabs purity culture by the throat and chokes the life out of it.
She talks about “purity” being sexist and racist, it is geared at females far more than males and white females are treated as though they have a good chance at being pure, whereas African American, other races, nationalities and gender identities are treated as less pure from the get-go.
She talks about the religious roots of the purity movement and how it has mistakenly equated morality with whether or not a person (particularly female) engages in premarital sex. So, whether or not someone is “good” or “bad” morally, boils down to what they do with their genitals, instead of how they actually treat other people.
She delves into our patriarchal society’s lack of trust in women and their ability to make ethical, sexual choices.
She looks at our pornographic culture, how this promotes the objectification of women, and also how some feminists are creating porn for the female gaze that is less or not objectifying and arguably more ethical.
She looks at rape culture and how women are blamed for their own rape, sexual assault, harassment and abuse, instead of the people who actually rape and abuse them. This is sometimes simply because of the how the woman dressed, the fact that she was out late at night, or drank alcohol, or simply that she wasn’t considered to be a virgin or considered pure (maybe even because she was black not white) and is therefore used goods, or, rape-able.
And Jessica talks about the virginity myth. This is the second book I have read this year that educated me on the fact that there is no physical sign of virginity and the hymen does not necessarily break or bleed during first intercourse. These myths that they hymen bleeds or breaks are not scientific.
Waking up to the fact that I did not lose my virginity through one single act of having penetrative sex, but instead, engaged and explored my own sexuality with a few different men over the course of many years now, I feel freed to own my sexual history, to see it as the learning curve and natural, healthy exploration that it is. Not all of it was healthy, of course, but I think I had to experience some unhealthy sexual situations in order to develop and grow and eventually attract a healthier sexual relationship.
This book is powerful because it doesn’t mince words, and is well researched. My only concern is that many people with traditional Evangelical sexual ethics will throw the baby out with the bath water and not give this book the time of day, because a mirror is being held up to their faces and they don’t want to see the negative aspects of the purity movement / culture, or admit that it may actually be a myth!