One of the writers who has had the greatest impact on my spiritual life, my deconstruction journey, and has been deeply inspirational in my writing career is Rachel (Grace) Held Evans.
RHE was born June 8th 1981 and passed away May 4th 2019 before her thirty-eighth birthday. She was about 18months older than me and her death was a tragic shock. I want to honor her life by sharing some of her work with you and how it has influenced me.
One of my gay uncles—I call him Uncle Shane in my memoir—gave me a copy of A Year of Biblical Womanhood for my thirtieth birthday, just after the book came out in 2012. I grew up fairly egalitarian, and sexism wasn’t really on my radar, but I was surprised how much I enjoyed this book and felt liberated in my femininity and educated about how complementarianism and misogyny are still active in our world. I am currently re-reading it and loving it even more this time around!
Her depth of honesty, her theological perspective, her authenticity and her writing style inspired me to want to be like her! My uncle told me she was building a career from her blog and I could do something similar. By that stage I had published three fiction novels and felt ready to move on the non-fiction. It was her inspiration that encouraged me to start my original website and blog.
Naturally, I searched for other books written by RHE and found her memoir Evolving in Monkey Town which was later renamed Faith Unraveled. I loved this book even more because I discovered I had a lot in common with Rachel, deconstructing hell and other aspects of theology, at a similar age and at a time when deconstruction was uncommon, as was the term.
I bought her books Searching for Sunday and Inspired as soon as they came out in 2015 and 2018. Her take and research into the sacraments, the Scriptures, from a progressive-Christian / early deconstructionist viewpoint were beautifully resonant at a time when my husband and I were only attending a small house church that studied Christian Universalism, not much interested in Evangelical church.
I went back to institutional church, but to a more progressive and yet very traditional denomination the year RHE died. I was searching for Sunday, longing for community, and sensing the wilderness of an evolving faith that Rachel’s friend, Sarah Bessey describes. I also didn’t want my then one-year-old daughter growing up with little understanding of God in her life.
Coincidently, Rachel’s daughter and mine were born the same month and year, May 2018. When RHE passed away I was visiting family in the United States with my almost one-year-old, and I was furious at God for separating Rachel and her kids. Furious over the fact that her children, aged three and one, would barely remember. I imagined how betrayed I would feel if death separated me and my baby girl. That wouldn’t be fair to her or to me. How dare you, God!
But I don’t actually believe God caused RHE to die, even the language around God “allowing” people to die is misconstrued. I don’t believe that God is in control of what happens on this earth. I believe God is the life force within the universe, propelling it and us toward recreation.
Death and resurrection.
Everybody dies.
My mum was ten years older than Rachel (48) when she died almost the same date, May 5th, back in 2011. I can’t explain these tragedies, I can only look to resurrection with hope.
Two books have been published in Rachel’s name since she passed away. A children’s book called What is God like? which I read to my kids and sent copies of, to my nieces and nephews. It’s brilliant and the artwork is as astounding as the prose.
And a book called Wholehearted Faith co-authored by Jeff Chu. It helped me grieve RHE and the death of my childhood conservative legalistic faith, and to resurrect an evolving faith, just as she and Sarah Bessey have co-founded in community-gathering and written form.
Thank you, Rachel. You have changed my life for the better. I pray Henry and Harper will know you through your incredible work in our world. You are never forgotten.
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