I’m super curious, what do you believe about “right” and “wrong” on your deconstruction journey?
I grew up deeply concerned about reading the Bible every day, not swearing, abstaining from sex, being polite and kind – doing unto others as I would have them do unto me. I thought the amount of hours I spent watching TV was sinful and lazy, and the amount of food I ate was gluttonous.
Currently in my forties, I’m more concerned about social morals and ethics than the very individualistic, self-absorbed notion of right and wrong I had as a child. I’m concerned about the trauma that results from sexual assault, so I call sexual assault “wrong.” I’m concerned about systemic racism, sexism and homophobia, and I see these things as unhealthy and unjust, in contrast to being taught that gay sex was the problem, that men are protectors and women are the ones that need protecting, and white colonization was irreversible so “get over it.” (I was not raised in the States, I was raised in Australia, so the messages I received may have been slightly culturally different.)
I also exeprienced a season of intense grace in my twenties in which I believed all sins and all sinners were equal, that I was no better or worse than Hitler (or any US president). That I was capable of the same depths of evil and the same self-sacrificial good as any other person on the planet.
But the pendulum has swung again. And I feel like it is impossible in this world to live without any sorts of laws, without right and wrong, without striving for “liberty and justice for all.” I am learning that my freedom is limited by your freedom. I have the right to live, therefore you do not have the right to kill me. You have the right to express your sexuality, but you do not have the right to violate my sexuality and claim you were simply “expressing” your sexuality. There are limitations to all of our freedoms and ultimately they are limited by what we believe is “right” and “wrong.”
We talk about independence and autonomy, but we are really interdependent human beings and my autonomy is necessarily limited by your autonomy. We need each other, we influence each other, we learn from each other’s experiences, thoughts and feelings.
I think the healthiest ethics (“right” and “wrong” as we have so long labeled them) arise from communities trying their best to love each other as themselves, who honor the experiences of the minority, not just the majority, and who listen with deep empathy, trying to put themselves in other people’s shoes.
And I still think that some behaviors are healthier than others, even though there is grace, love and forgiveness for all and everything. I’m not sure if this makes me less legalistic or more legalistic than I used to be… or just “differently” legalistic.
I would really like to hear your thoughts, feelings and experiences of how to balance grace and ethics.
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